What about the big kids?

“May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.” – 2 Thessalonians 3:5

If you have adult children, how’s your relationship with them? We watch and worry as they learn how to do life on their own. There’s a problem, though, when we think our grown-up kids are still ours to direct and protect. If we respect them as adults, we may need to rethink our role.

At some point we have to let them go, encourage them to grow on their own, quit worrying so much about them, and stop trying to be their Holy Spirit. We can do that pretty well when we approve of their decisions, but not so well when we think we know better than they do how they should be living their lives. Some of you can relate to that.  And you know in your soul you have to stop trying parent to another adult.

So, as we let go, what do we do? First, we give up trying to control. Then we put them into the hands of our loving heavenly Father and under the guidance of the all-wise Holy Spirit. If you are at a loss as to how to do that, here’s what I have prayed about my own grown-up kids. Maybe it will help you, too.

Lord help me to . . .

love them deeply as you do,

guide them wisely as you would,

listen to them carefully,

hear what they’re not saying,

hold them loosely so they can fly, and

keep them ever before you in my prayers.

Amen

 

“We may not say that we have the answers. Questions of how to conduct oneself as a Christian or how to serve as a Christian must be answered by life itself- the life of the individual in his direct responsible relationship to God.” – Elisabeth Elliott

Reunion vs. Reconciliation

 

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” – Hebrews 12:14

Jacob had cheated his brother, Esau, out of his birthright more than 20 years earlier and now was bringing his large family and flocks and herds back to Canaan. As he prepared to meet his angry brother, he sent gifts ahead, tried to protect his family from attack, and prayed for God’s favor. Fortunately for Jacob, the reunion was one of rejoicing and celebration. Forgiveness seemed to abound and, at least on the surface, all seemed to be well.

Esau, with true Middle Eastern hospitality, invited Jacob to bring his family and herds to live near him in Seir. Jacob says, in essence, “OK, but we’re going to travel slowly because of the little ones and the animals.” So Esau goes on ahead, but Jacob never follows him to Seir. Why? I think there were too many differences remaining between them – cultural, religious, and maybe even some obvious animus from previous offenses.

Reunion is one thing. Reconciliation is another.

Maybe there is a person in your life you think of as toxic, or even dangerous to your physical or emotional well-being. Can you forgive that person? Yes. Forgiveness is for your benefit even more than it is for the person who has hurt you. And God requires his people to forgive.

Should you be in close relationship with him/her again? Most likely not, unless you see a true and long-lasting change of heart. It’s possible Jacob knew association with Esau would bring trouble. So he agreed to an amicable relationship, but not a close one. Sometimes distance is the best decision. Forgiveness is one thing. Reconciliation is another.

“It takes one person to forgive, two people to be reunited.” – Lewis Smedes

Using Money

“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” – 1 Timothy 6:18

Whether we have a lot of money or a little, God teaches us how to use it. This is what I think he has in mind for the cash in our pockets:

If we have a family, we’re responsible to take care of them. Children need clothes, food, shelter, education, and healthcare. Elderly parents may need financial support as their savings are depleted. Family is priority in God’s economic plan (1 Timothy 5:8).

Then, we are to be as generous as we are able. God expects us to give money to the church and to his work in the world. But, sometimes the “giving away” goes directly to someone we know who is struggling. We are to be merciful to those in true need if we have the ability to help (Luke 10:36-37). In doing so, we gain friends for God.

There are so many needs, though. How do we know where to start? The Bible says to help other Christians first (Galatians 6:10). They are like extended family to us and their needs take priority over those outside the faith. Then, if we have more, we offer our help to the needy ones God places in our path day by day.

The bottom line: God wants us to use money to build relationships! Sometimes that means taking the kids out for ice cream or going on vacation. Sometimes it means sacrificing for the good of a neighbor in need. Whatever the opportunity, money is a tool to be put to work for eternal good. (Luke 16:9). 

 

“But for money and the need of it, there would not be half the friendship in the world. It is powerful for good if divinely used.” – George MacDonald

Who’s in tune?

“. . . imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”- Hebrews 6:12b

I am learning a little bit about music from my musician husband. One thing he’s observed is that if a section of the orchestra is out of tune, it may be because the musicians are tuning to each other and not to a standard beyond them. For example, one violinist might suspect she’s playing a little flat, but will still tune her instrument based on what she hears played next to her so she will be in sync with the other violins. The result is the entire section might be playing flat. 

There’s a way to change that. If a strong, in-tune instrument moves closer to the problematic section, the players will begin to hear a new standard and will tend to tune to the stronger instrument. One by one each player in the section will follow suit. The result? Everyone will be playing in tune!

Most of us tend to tune our spiritual lives to the people we hang out with. Are they warm toward things of God or cool? Turning to him for direction, or relying more often on their own wisdom? Or, worse, are they focused on their own interests and not those of God at all? If those we spend our time with those who are out of tune with the Holy Spirit in their day-to-day lives, we might be following suit without even knowing it.

The solution? We need to find friends who live in harmony with the Spirit and then get close to them. We can listen to their talk, catch their spiritual enthusiasm, and seek their counsel. Spending time with in-tune Christians will help us stay close to God, too!

“Only a disciple can make a disciple.” A. W. Tozer

Live your own life!

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. – Psalm 16:11

Whose life are you living? If you’re constantly called to commiserate with an overly reliant friend, if you’re consistently focused on another person’s decisions or actions, or if you’re preoccupied about what may happen today or tomorrow in the life of someone you love, you may be missing the life God gave you to live. 

Don’t get me wrong – I believe in empathizing with those who are struggling, helping those in need, supporting our children to adulthood and beyond, and being a true friend. But, when worries about other people’s lives dominate our thoughts, we’re surely missing what God is offering us.

Today, he wants us to experience his leading in every decision, blessings from his hand, peace beyond understanding, and love that refreshes our souls.

Today, he wants the fruit of the Spirit to grow in our hearts: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. I want that, don’t you?

So, how do we care deeply about others and still position ourselves to receive what God wants for us? 

  • Think about our blessings.
  • Acknowledge that the life God has given us is good. 
  • Cherish each day.
  • Praise God.
  • Yield to his direction.

When we live in distraction, we cannot take in all God wants for us. So, let’s live our own lives – deeply and gratefully. Then we will be able to do more than worry about or sympathize with friends or family –  we will enable them to live their own lives, too!

Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.”

–Thomas Merton

Show them.


“. . . you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” – Colossians 3:9b-10

My dear image-bearers –

There’s a reason I’ve revealed My character to you in pictures that give glimpses of My reality.  

I told you I’m your Father so you would know to treat your children in the same way I treat you. Discipline, yes, but also mercies that are new every morning, love that never fails, and lots and lots of grace. Throw in some longsuffering and patience, too. I do.

I told you I am the Good Shepherd, so you would have the same heart-wrenching concern for those outside My fold as I have. They are wandering, lost, alone. They need you and Me desperately.

I told you how much I love my church – enough to die for her. That’s how I want you to treat your brothers and sisters in the faith, so the world can see your relationships and believe in the reality of My everlasting love for them, too.

I told you I’m the Bread of Life and demonstrated that by feeding thousands of people at a time – a picture of the spiritual food you all need. Reflect My compassion to the world in need around you. They are hungry, sometimes for food, always for Me. You can help them find both.

These images let you see Me and My desires for you and the rest of the world. Go now and live as I lived when I walked on earth. Together, we can  show them who I am!

Your loving Lord


“When I understand that everything happening to me is to make me more Christlike, it resolves a great deal of anxiety.” ― A.W. Tozer

Credit to author and speaker Rebekah McLaughlin for image concept.

Fighting Giants

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:4

One of the intriguing things about the biblical David is that we see him from a young man fighting Goliath all the way to his old-age death decades later. We see how his walk with God began and how its earthly version ended.

As the years go by, I’m interested in how people transition from one stage of life to another. David is a real example for those of us who are in Act III of life. We are told of a war with the Philistines when David was confronted in battle by a descendent of giants. His men rescued him from certain death, but told him he could no longer go to the battle front. They would take it from here. In the very next verses, we are told that in subsequent battles, when David stayed home, these soldiers killed three more giants who were attacking God’s people. David was known for his greatness in defending Israel, his strength in battle. But no more. He had come to a point when it was someone else’s turn to kill the giants (2 Sam 21:15-22).

There comes a time in our lives when we step back from the front lines and pass the responsibility to the next generation. God has plans for them, too. Plans for using them to pick up where we leave off. Plans to use us as teachers, encouragers, cheerleaders – but from the sidelines. Sometimes we just have to get out of the way and let them do it!

“Ideal teachers are those who use themselves as bridges over which they invite their students to cross, then having facilitated their crossing, joyfully collapse, encouraging them to create bridges of their own.” – Nikos Kazantzakis 

 

#leadership

 

Building Bridges

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” – Romans 14:19

We recently visited Budapest, a city that seems to have two personalities, one on each side of the Danube River. Buda is hilly and has ancient churches and castles. Pest boasts a thriving commercial center. Two cities, varying emphases, united to form one amazing cultural capital in Europe.

It wasn’t always that way. Buda was set on one side of the Danube and Pest on the other. Two towns with common problems , but separated by a hard-to-cross river. Then someone had an idea – build a bridge! Engineers were hired and construction began. The first bridge between Buda and Pest opened in 1849 and the two towns became one. Pest was able to take advantage of the hills of Buda for defense and Buda was able to participate in the active commercial areas of Pest. Today there are many bridges connecting Buda to Pest, but it all started with one idea about uniting two communities.

Jesus is the ultimate bridge-builder, making a way for us to be connected with the Father. To do that, he had to set aside his own rights and leave heaven’s luxuries to come to earth, and live among humans. Maybe we can learn from Jesus something about how to build bridges. It may involve leaving our comfort zones, giving up some of our rights, and walking alongside others to understand their perspectives. If we are willing, God may use us to build bridges between ourselves and others, or within families, or across cultures. Do you see any bridges to be built in your world today?

“Got any rivers you think are uncrossable?
Got any mountains, you can not tunnel through?
God specializes in things thought impossible
He does the things others cannot do.” – Oscar C. Eliason

 

#peacemakers

Living generously

“I will gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well.” – 2 Corinthians 12:15a

What do you think of when someone talks about generosity? Probably we anticipate we are about to be asked to part with some cash. But, there’s a lot more to living generously than giving money.

Peter and John give us a great example of that (Acts 3). They saw a man on the Temple steps who’d been lame from birth. People carried him there every day so he could provide for himself by begging. When approached for alms, Peter said, in essence, “I don’t have any money, but I have something else I can give you, ‘In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, walk.'” Peter gave this man a gift of far greater value than a few coins!

What does it mean to live generously? Sometimes it does mean giving money. And we need to do that willingly and often. At other times, we may need to give something else. Maybe our skills to lend a hand to someone who needs help. Maybe it’s a listening ear. And, sometimes hardest of all, it means being generous with our love for those who are hard to love and forgiveness for those who have wronged us.

Generosity has more to do with attitude than with cash. Living generously frees us from the burden of accumulation and allows us to travel lighter, to be less self-centered and more compassionate. And, somewhere along the way, joy creeps in. Maybe today is a good day to look around and see who needs our generosity – financial, spiritual, relational, or merciful. Then, let’s open our hearts and our hands!

“The noblest thing a man can do is just humbly to receive, and then go amongst others and give.” – David Livingstone

 

#generosity

Going for a walk.

“Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” – 1 John 2:6

I’m going for a hike today with women who love to be outdoors following mountain trails in the sunshine of Colorado. They have led me to waterfalls, wildflowers, and picturesque views. Every hike with them is a new adventure!

This morning I read in John’s epistle that those who follow Jesus should walk as he walked. I took that literally as I contemplated my day. Jesus was a hiker. He and his disciples walked everywhere they went, so we have some clues as to how Jesus walked. Two things come to mind.

First, Jesus observed the world around him and drew lessons from what he saw. When they were in an olive grove, he talked about vines and branches. When he  saw a farmer sowing seed, he talked about the seed as the Word of God, when he looked at grainfields, it made him think of the many people whose hearts were ready to believe. I hope to observe the world around me as I walk today to see God’s fingerprints in creation, and to invite him to speak to me through his handiwork.

Second, Jesus related to the people with whom he walked: his close disciples, general followers who joined along the way, and people who interrupted his journey with specific needs. For me, my companions will be women who have become friends along the footpaths together over the past months.

Where are you  walking today? And who will walk with you? As followers of Christ, we are to walk as he did: Aware of the world around us and lovingly attentive to those who share the journey.

“Jesus was God spelling himself out in language humanity could understand.” – S.D. Gordon

#Jesus