Forgiveness

Somebody doesn’t like me.

“You can love without agreeing with someone. You can disagree without hating them.” – Tim Keller

There are many reasons someone might be critical of us: They disagree with our decisions. They feel hurt by something we said or did. They are of a different political persuasion than we are. Or there is just a conflict between two differing personalities.

Getting others to like us is not the primary goal of life. Not everyone liked Jesus. Some hated him enough to hire witnesses to lie about him so he would be sentenced to die. Not everyone liked King David, or Joseph, or Daniel. . .

So what do we do when someone expresses anger toward us or just doesn’t like us?

If we have hurt them, we should seek forgiveness. Sometimes we are the forgiver and sometimes the forgiven, often it’s both: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

If it’s a difference of opinion about lifestyle, leadership, or politics, we should agree to disagree and continue in a respectful relationship: “. . . let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall” (Romans 14:13).

If these approaches don’t bring peace, we should give it all to God and move on. “Never pay back evil with more evil. . . Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:17-18).

We should try to live in harmony with others, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We should address conflicts, pray for one another, and grow in our relationship with God. He is the one we want to please the most.

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” – 1 Peter 3:8

Need grace?

“Grace is love that cares and stoops and rescues.” – John Stott

I’ve heard it said the Old Testament is about law and the New Testament is about grace. Funny, though, but the more I read the Old Testament, the more I see grace there, too. Example:

After King Hezekiah restored the temple (2 Chronicles 30), he called the people to come to celebrate Passover. It wasn’t in the right month. Would God allow that? There were those who had not properly consecrated themselves. What to do? God had struck people dead for what seemed like lesser offenses than these.

Hezekiah prayed, asking God to accept the people as they were – sinful, unsure, but willing to come back to him. God heard and answered that prayer, and a great celebration of Passover occurred with much repentance and rejoicing. God, in his amazing grace, opened the door to the undeserving, the unwashed, and the wayward. Maybe he saw their hearts. Maybe he just wanted them back. But it was pure grace.

This may be a foreshadowing of the grace that would come in Jesus – grace that would allow us to be made clean enough to approach him without ceremonial washings and ritual – just to come as we are with hearts full of repentance, offering him ourselves and our gifts, yielding to his will for our lives.

It also reminds me that we need to extend grace to others. We receive it freely from God’s hand. Why, then, would we withhold forgiveness or second chances or new starts to anyone around us? Knowing God, following Jesus – it’s all about grace!

“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,” – 2 Timothy 1:9

The Judge

“If you want to see what judgment looks like, go to the cross. If you want to see what love looks like, go to the cross.” – D.A. Carson

I went to court once just as support for a friend who was fighting against a person who reneged on a contract. It seemed obvious to us that the law was on her side. It should be a slam dunk.

But, as we walked into the courtroom, I realized that the matter now was entirely out of her control. The judge’s ruling would be what she would have to live with. Her fate was in his hands.

I have to admit that created some stress in me. Then I thought about the fact that Jesus is returning someday to judge the world. It won’t be enough to have lived a pretty good life. None us can live up to what is required in the heavenly court.

There is a way to avoid that judgment: Settle out of court! Jesus invites us to come to him now so we can know him as Savior and then not have to face him as judge. Our record will be clean because he will have paid our penalty. Those who choose not to accept Jesus’s payment in this life will stand before him as Judge where opinions, excuses, and apologies won’t make a difference.

Take care of the charges against you while you can because once the Judge enters the room, it’s out of your hands. And his decision will be final. No arguing, no appeals. It will just be as it is – forever.

“It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” – Romans 8:33a-34

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Patient and Kind

“There is no termination date on my commitment to you. You can’t get rid of my grace to you. You can’t outrun my mercy. You can’t evade my goodness.” – Dane Ortland

A friend once told me about her adult son who was always getting into trouble, mostly related to his penchant for alcohol. One time he came to her with yet another problem and said, “I bet you wish I’d never been born.” She told me that story with tears in her eyes, not because of the problems he caused, but because he could even think she would ever stop loving him.

God’s like that. No matter how much trouble we are, we are his, and he wants us to be close.

A friend once likened God’s relationship to us as that of a human trying to housetrain a puppy. When the puppy doesn’t make it to the papers, does a good master kick him for missing the mark? No, he picks him up and moves him to the papers. After awhile, the pup, wanting to please his master, begins to understand and do the right thing.

Once we’re adopted into God’s family, we are his – forever. If we keep falling into the same sin, he still loves us. If we fail to keep our promises to him, he still keeps his promises to us. He helps us get back up when we fall. Even if we run from him, he chases us to bring us back – just like a master would do with a runaway puppy!

And that kind of love makes us want to return to him. The thing we must never think is that he no longer wants us back. Our Master will never turn away one who wants to please him.

“The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,” – Exodus 34:6b

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Easter changes everything.

“If Jesus Christ was who He claimed to be, . . . then, for all history past and all history future it is relevant because that is the very focal point for forgiveness and redemption.” – Josh McDowell

Leviticus teaches about unintentional sins – things people do that hurt or damage someone else or offend God, and they don’t even know they’d done it. When they realize their sin, they’re held responsible for making it right (Leviticus 5:17). And that meant actually taking an animal to the priest to be sacrificed to pay for the sin committed. Cumbersome. Messy. Expensive. Time-consuming. Embarrassing. Sin, even if unintentional, has terrible consequences!

Why don’t we handle guilt that way anymore? Because we don’t have to! Jesus came as the one-time-only sacrifice for the sins of the world (Hebrews 10:10b). We still hurt people or wrong them in many ways. We still offend God. But since Jesus came to die for us, we no longer have to bear our own sin. He took it all on himself on the cross. Since his resurrection that very first Easter Sunday, we simply believe that Jesus gave his life for us and confess our sinfulness to him. He forgives, cleanses, and makes us into new creatures able and willing to follow him.

What then? We worship him by giving ourselves and our bodies back to him in complete surrender to his will. “ I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Romans 12:1). He gave his body for us. We give ours to his service.

That’s why we’re thankful, why we worship, why we can live without guilt or regret. Jesus makes all things new!

” . . . if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” – Romans 10:9b

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Transparency

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” – George MacDonald

Have you noticed that relationships go better if we can be honest about who we are and what we think? The apostle John addresses this issue, but we have to look carefully to see it: “. . . if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7)

Walking in the light means we aren’t hiding anything. We’re cleansed from our sin and, therefore, have nothing to cover up. We can be ourselves. We can be transparent and honest. The hard relationships are those where there are topics we can’t talk about or sins and weaknesses we want to keep secret. So how do we get to the point of having the kind of relationship John describes as fellowship?

Here’s what he says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9).

If we regret things, past or present, we are acknowledging the truth: We have sinned.

And there a solution to that: Confess and receive God’s forgiveness.

The rest of the verse describes what follows: We are made clean. It’s as if John is telling us to confess the sins we know about and we will be cleansed from the ones we don’t know. God makes us clean, past, present, and future, through the blood of Jesus.

And the result? We walk in the light – meaning we can live easily in transparency and truth.

Only then can we experience true fellowship, deep friendship, committed love. Isn’t that what we all want?

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.” – Proverbs 10:9

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Where did he go?

“No soul can be really at rest until it has given up all dependence on everything else and has been forced to depend on the Lord alone. As long as our expectation is from other things, nothing but disappointment awaits us.” – Hannah Whitall Smith

God doesn’t impose himself on us. At times, the people of Israel rejected him and turned to idol worship. God repeatedly called them back, but they wouldn’t listen. So he said, “I will return again to my place until they acknowledge their guilt and seek my face and, in their distress, earnestly seek me” (Hosea 5:15). We might paraphrase it this way: “I’m going back home until you understand how much you need me.”

Sometimes God seems far away even when we go to church, sing the songs, and take communion. Hosea says something about that, too: “For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” The people of Israel were doing many right things like going to the temple and offering sacrifices. But outward actions didn’t change their hearts or keep them from following other “gods”.

God’s greatest desire is for us to know and love him – above everything and anyone else. Our true devotion is more important to him than ceremonial actions. I’ve found that if I am missing a sense of God’s presence in my life, I soften my heart and ask him to come back. With that invitation, he usually begins to work with me and makes himself known again.

Does he seem far away right now? Tell him you miss him. You love him. You want to sense his presence. He’ll come.

“For the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.” – 2 Chronicles 30:9b

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Need help?

 “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. . . For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Matthew 9:12a and 13b

Author Dane Ortland describes a hypothetical scenario whereby a doctor moves to an area of the world among impoverished villages. He sets up a medical clinic, inviting people to come. Do you know what pleases him most? When sick people show up! Especially the very ill, desperate for his care. If only the healthy came to visit, his efforts would be wasted. He’s doing what he came to do only when the sick come.

Ortland goes on to compare this to Jesus’ ministry. He didn’t come for those who felt spiritually healthy. He came for those who were spiritually sick and knew it. He was accused of hanging out with sinners. Of course that’s what he did! They were why he came. Sometimes he didn’t wait for them to come to him. He went out to find them.

Jesus is back in heaven, but his purpose remains: To seek out those of us who know we’re sinful and to welcome us with open arms. When we come, he cleans us up, sets us on our feet, and loves us into the kingdom of God.

We’ve got it wrong if we think we have to get our act together to be able to approach Jesus. Or if we think what we have done is so bad he could never forgive us. He came for people like us – people who know how much they need a new life, a spiritual bath. Only real sinners can experience his real forgiveness.

“. . . for the penitent, his heart of gentle embrace is never outmatched by our sins and foibles and insecurities and doubts and anxieties and failures.” – Dane Ortland

The book cited is Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortland

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Reunion vs. Reconciliation

 

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” – Hebrews 12:14

Jacob had cheated his brother, Esau, out of his birthright more than 20 years earlier and now was bringing his large family and flocks and herds back to Canaan. As he prepared to meet his angry brother, he sent gifts ahead, tried to protect his family from attack, and prayed for God’s favor. Fortunately for Jacob, the reunion was one of rejoicing and celebration. Forgiveness seemed to abound and, at least on the surface, all seemed to be well.

Esau, with true Middle Eastern hospitality, invited Jacob to bring his family and herds to live near him in Seir. Jacob says, in essence, “OK, but we’re going to travel slowly because of the little ones and the animals.” So Esau goes on ahead, but Jacob never follows him to Seir. Why? I think there were too many differences remaining between them – cultural, religious, and maybe even some obvious animus from previous offenses.

Reunion is one thing. Reconciliation is another.

Maybe there is a person in your life you think of as toxic, or even dangerous to your physical or emotional well-being. Can you forgive that person? Yes. Forgiveness is for your benefit even more than it is for the person who has hurt you. And God requires his people to forgive.

Should you be in close relationship with him/her again? Most likely not, unless you see a true and long-lasting change of heart. It’s possible Jacob knew association with Esau would bring trouble. So he agreed to an amicable relationship, but not a close one. Sometimes distance is the best decision. Forgiveness is one thing. Reconciliation is another.

“It takes one person to forgive, two people to be reunited.” – Lewis Smedes

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Critic or Companion?

For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. – Psalm 103:14

“God’ll get you for that.” That was a supposed-to-be-funny, but semi-serious, retort when I was growing up. I think it was a view of God that many in my generation shared. God was just waiting for us to step out of line. Hard as I might try as a teenager, I knew I stepped across that line too many times. I kept waiting for God’s hammer to fall. 

Do you ever feel that way? That you really can’t measure up to God’s standards, so you might as well quit trying? If that’s your mindset, you may need a new view of God.

Yes, he is holy and wants us to live in ways that honor him, but he knows we are weak and will fail. That’s why he sent Jesus to live the perfect life we cannot live and to die and be raised to pay for all within us that falls short of God’s standard. Does that sound like a God who’s just waiting for us to step out of line so he can zap us? No! It sounds like a loving God who made a way for us to become better over time – not by our own efforts, but by the power of the new life he gives us through Jesus. 

It may be our view of God needs to change to be more consistent with the God Jesus revealed. As we walk with him, he guides and grows us. When he finds something to correct, he always does it lovingly. He is never out to catch us in a fault, but to help us overcome it.  

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. – A. W. Tozer