Relationships

Being There

“God never works needless miracles. If his purposes can be accomplished by ordinary means, he will not use miraculous agency.” – Charles Spurgeon

When we’re sick, James tell us we should pray and God will respond. But, we know he doesn’t always respond with healing. Sometimes he sends help in more human ways. Why? Because he wants us to learn to help each other whatever the needs: sickness, relationship struggles, finances, depression, or loneliness. When we reach out to help, we have an opportunity to form bonds that wouldn’t happen in any other way. And isn’t that what we all want? Authentic, God-honoring relationships.

So, if we are paying attention to people around us, we are going to find someone in need. How can we help?

Listen/respond: Sometimes just letting a person express their frustration, pain, or sadness helps. Then, if we can respond with a positive word, it might be enough to get them through another day. We should never underestimate the power of wise or comforting words to help and to heal.

Help: There are times when there’s something specific we can do – make a meal, perform a household repair, provide transportation, take care of kids, pay for an expense, and, always, pray.

Be cheerful: Those who are carrying great burdens need to see a smile now and then. Cheerfulness is catching, so we can help and encourage with joy.

Acknowledge the truth: We need to agree with people in need that we see their struggle, we know it’s hard, and we care about them. God loves them, and he will never leave them. We can share whatever truths they need to hear.

Maybe we can be someone’s answer to prayer today.

 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds . . . encouraging one another . . .” – Hebrews 10:24-25

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Need encouragement?

“He said ‘Love…as I have loved you.’ We cannot love too much.”—Amy Carmichael

We’ve had some difficult health news in our family recently – the kind of diagnosis no one wants to hear. And that’s hard. But, you know what? We have God-following friends who are praying for us. Asking after us. Wondering if we need help. Asking God for his mercy and grace toward us.

And all of that means everything on a day when we’re tired or anxious: Just to know our friends and family are lifting us in prayer to our Father in Heaven, the one who sees, hears, heals, loves, and has promised never to leave us.

And do you know what all that support does for me? It makes me stronger. It helps me feel God’s love through human friends. It lightens my load and brightens my day.

And then, here’s the really good part: It makes me want to encourage someone else. There are many worse off than we are. Many who don’t know Jesus as Lord. Many who are suffering without the encouragement we are receiving. Paul, who suffered more in his lifetime than I ever will, tells us this: “Therefore encourage one another, and build one another up as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

We all know someone who needs some “building up” today. They need a gentle word, a loving touch, or a simple text message. They need us to offer to pray for them (very few will say “no” to that). Let’s be aware, as we go through our day today, of the people around us. Do we see or sense someone struggling – someone we can encourage? Let’s just do it. We’ll never know the difference a few words might make.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

NOTE: Photo above was taken by a pastor friend of ours in Pakistan.

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Somebody doesn’t like me.

“You can love without agreeing with someone. You can disagree without hating them.” – Tim Keller

There are many reasons someone might be critical of us: They disagree with our decisions. They feel hurt by something we said or did. They are of a different political persuasion than we are. Or there is just a conflict between two differing personalities.

Getting others to like us is not the primary goal of life. Not everyone liked Jesus. Some hated him enough to hire witnesses to lie about him so he would be sentenced to die. Not everyone liked King David, or Joseph, or Daniel. . .

So what do we do when someone expresses anger toward us or just doesn’t like us?

If we have hurt them, we should seek forgiveness. Sometimes we are the forgiver and sometimes the forgiven, often it’s both: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

If it’s a difference of opinion about lifestyle, leadership, or politics, we should agree to disagree and continue in a respectful relationship: “. . . let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall” (Romans 14:13).

If these approaches don’t bring peace, we should give it all to God and move on. “Never pay back evil with more evil. . . Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:17-18).

We should try to live in harmony with others, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We should address conflicts, pray for one another, and grow in our relationship with God. He is the one we want to please the most.

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” – 1 Peter 3:8

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Start with one.

“Our efforts to be useful bring out our powers for usefulness. We have latent talents and dormant faculties, which are brought to light by exercise.” – Charles Spurgeon

We usually know the things we are good at and we like doing them. But what about things we aren’t so good at? Sometimes it’s not that we’ve tried and failed, it’s that we haven’t tried at all. And some of the things we should try are those commanded by God himself.

I’m thinking now about compassion. Jesus was the perfect example of compassion. We see it as he healed the sick, wept at his friend’s grave, talked with a Samaritan women, and fed hungry crowds. How can we learn to feel compassion for those in need and then act on that feeling as Jesus did?

For some people, that’s easy. They exude compassion and they act accordingly. For others of us, it’s more of an effort. But it’s an effort the Holy Spirit will empower us to make because he is making us more like Jesus.

Maybe we learn it like we learn any new skill: One step at a time. If we want to grow our compassion for others, we can begin by showing compassion to one person. That’s not too hard, right? Find someone in need and let yourself care. Then act. Maybe they need groceries, a listening ear, help writing a resume, relationship advice, spiritual counsel, or transportation to an appointment. There are many ways we can help, but first we have to care.

I’m learning that one act of compassion will stimulate more. Over time we might find ourselves caring more deeply, loving others just as Jesus commanded. It’s OK to start small. Start with one.

“Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.” – Proverbs 11:25

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Hallowed be Thy Name

“Love means doing all we can, at whatever cost to ourselves, to help people be enthralled with the glory of God. When they are, they are satisfied and God is glorified. Therefore loving people and glorifying God are one.” – John Piper

We all know people who don’t even want to talk about Jesus because they have been hurt or disappointed by Christians. I don’t want to be one of those who say they follow Jesus, but live unlovingly or angrily.

One of the best known of the Ten Commandments is “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.” Many think that means we shouldn’t speak God’s name in the wrong way. Biblically, there’s a lot more to it than that.

The word for vain has the same root as the word for vanity in the book of Ecclesiastes. It means something is without meaning, value, or substance. So, taking God’s name in vain is taking up his name without giving it meaning or value by the way we live. It means living in ways that make people think less of God, not more.

The same thing applies to taking Jesus’s name lightly – saying we follow Jesus and not acting like it. Paul cautions about that when he says, “. . . we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.” If we are Christians, people should see we are not carrying his name lightly. We’ll make mistakes, for sure, but over time we should be getting more and more like the person whose name we claim. Let’s make sure the way we live makes people want to know our Jesus.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12b

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Transparency

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” – George MacDonald

Have you noticed that relationships go better if we can be honest about who we are and what we think? The apostle John addresses this issue, but we have to look carefully to see it: “. . . if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7)

Walking in the light means we aren’t hiding anything. We’re cleansed from our sin and, therefore, have nothing to cover up. We can be ourselves. We can be transparent and honest. The hard relationships are those where there are topics we can’t talk about or sins and weaknesses we want to keep secret. So how do we get to the point of having the kind of relationship John describes as fellowship?

Here’s what he says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9).

If we regret things, past or present, we are acknowledging the truth: We have sinned.

And there a solution to that: Confess and receive God’s forgiveness.

The rest of the verse describes what follows: We are made clean. It’s as if John is telling us to confess the sins we know about and we will be cleansed from the ones we don’t know. God makes us clean, past, present, and future, through the blood of Jesus.

And the result? We walk in the light – meaning we can live easily in transparency and truth.

Only then can we experience true fellowship, deep friendship, committed love. Isn’t that what we all want?

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.” – Proverbs 10:9

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It’s infectious.

“He came to this world and became a man in order to spread to other men the kind of life he has—by what I call ‘good infection’.” – C. S. Lewis

I recently read the story of a woman now known as “Typhoid Mary”. She lived in the early 1900’s and was blamed for several typhoid outbreaks in New York City over a few years’ time. Medical professionals determined she was a carrier of typhoid though she never showed symptoms and never came down with the disease herself.

In some way we are all infecting people with something. Some people enter a room and, suddenly the atmosphere becomes brighter, lighter, more interesting. That’s a good kind of contagious. Others come like Eeyore, and they spread an infection of gloom. Which would you rather be?

The writer of Psalm 139 asks God to “. . . see if there be any grievous way in me . . .” I’m told that a “grievous way” is any aspect of character that can lead to grief. This psalmist knew there could be something deep in his heart that would cause pain, and he might not even be aware of it. We don’t always know what is hiding inside us. “Typhoid Mary” certainly didn’t!

While we live, we’re going to be infecting people around us. Maybe we, too, should invite God to search us and make us aware of anything we’re carrying that could cause grief to ourselves or someone we love. By God’s grace, we pray that, since we’re contagious, it will be with what C. S. Lewis calls a “good infection.”

“Be it ours today . . . to be ruled and governed by Thy divine authority, so that nothing false or sinful may reign in our hearts, lest it extend its malignant influence to our daily walk among men.” – Charles Spurgeon

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Staying lost?

Prodigal Son (New Your Public Library), Public Domain

“I cannot be reborn from below; that is, with my own strength, with my own mind, with my own psychological insights. I can only be healed from above, from where God reaches down.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

I had a dog years ago who liked to explore the world, and sometimes he got lost. One of two things happened when we realized Luey had taken off again: Either we’d go looking for him, calling his name, checking his favorite haunts, or he would get hungry and find his way home. The end result was the same either way: The lost dog didn’t stay lost.

In Luke 15, Jesus tells three parables about lostness. The first was the lost sheep. The shepherd knew the wanderer would never find his way back to the flock on his own, so he secured the 99 sheep and set out to find the one who was lost.

The second was about a woman who lost a valuable coin. She searched until she found it and then called her neighbors in to celebrate. What was lost had been found.

The third is familiar to all of us. It is about a lost son, the one who declared independence from his father, took his inheritance early and set off to a far country where he lived an irresponsible life until his money ran out, a famine hit, and there was no one to turn to but Dad who welcomed him home with a great feast.

The point of these stories? That which is lost can be found.

If you’re feeling lost today, God knows where you are. He will help you find your way back home. You don’t have to stay lost!

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” – Luke 19:10

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Following and Trusting

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” – Job 23:10

I was hiking with friends in the Rocky Mountains recently when we came to a narrow part of the trail. I looked to my left and realized there wasn’t much room between me and a long drop to the creek below. My heart raced and I slowed my pace. Beth, walking behind me, asked if I was afraid, and I admitted I was. She understood and asked Bonnie, another friend, to walk in front of me. Bonnie got around me and then walked a slow and steady pace, knowing I needed to be able to follow. It was much easier getting through the tough part of the trail when I was watching her feet instead of the drop-off beside me.

I learned two things that day. First, I have some great friends. They saw I was in trouble and, one behind and one in front, helped me through. When we struggle with a hard part of life’s path, we need friends like these two!

Second, I needed someone to trust. I knew my friends had hiked this trail before, so I had confidence in them. When I took my mind off the scary edge next to me, focusing on Bonnie instead, I calmed down and made it to the wider part of the path.

Do you know the person I trust the most? Even more than my friends? Jesus. I’m trying to learn to follow his sandaled feet whenever I’m afraid. He always leads me to a safer place. He’ll do that for you, too!

“Self-denial . . . means no longer seeing oneself, only him who is going ahead, no longer seeing the way which is too difficult for us. Self-denial says only: he is going ahead; hold fast to him.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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Only What’s Important

“Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” – Ephesians 4:29b (NLT)

I have a friend who mentors, teaches, and engages easily in spiritual conversation. After one of those discussions, she followed up with this text which she later shared with me “….I treasure most the conversation we had. I love talking about what’s going on inside of us as we search for meaning for our lives–using the gifts, talents and resources we have been blessed with to help and love on others. I’m at the stage in life where I want to talk only about things that are important.”

I read that and thought of all the lesser conversations I have each day. Then I began to think about what kinds of communication I would describe as important. Here what I came up with:

Relationships: Our conversations should build each other up, encourage, and empathize. This is the kind of talking and listening that shows love and wisdom and draws people together in friendship and community.

Ideas: Let’s skip right over talking about people, things, and events and get to ideas. Great ideas can challenge lazy thinking, steer our futures, and make us better humans.

The eternal: There is perhaps nothing that matters more than talking about knowing God, understanding the Bible, planning our lives for 100 years from now, and walking in harmony with others on our spiritual journey.

Are we stuck talking about the mundane instead of building relationships, entertaining new or old ideas, and connecting with the eternal life of the unseen spiritual world? It may be time to get “unstuck” and start engaging in more of the conversations that matter!

“The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man’s observation, not overturning it.” – Edward Bulswer-Lytton