Relationships

Being There

“God never works needless miracles. If his purposes can be accomplished by ordinary means, he will not use miraculous agency.” – Charles Spurgeon

When we’re sick, James tell us we should pray and God will respond. But, we know he doesn’t always respond with healing. Sometimes he sends help in more human ways. Why? Because he wants us to learn to help each other whatever the needs: sickness, relationship struggles, finances, depression, or loneliness. When we reach out to help, we have an opportunity to form bonds that wouldn’t happen in any other way. And isn’t that what we all want? Authentic, God-honoring relationships.

So, if we are paying attention to people around us, we are going to find someone in need. How can we help?

Listen/respond: Sometimes just letting a person express their frustration, pain, or sadness helps. Then, if we can respond with a positive word, it might be enough to get them through another day. We should never underestimate the power of wise or comforting words to help and to heal.

Help: There are times when there’s something specific we can do – make a meal, perform a household repair, provide transportation, take care of kids, pay for an expense, and, always, pray.

Be cheerful: Those who are carrying great burdens need to see a smile now and then. Cheerfulness is catching, so we can help and encourage with joy.

Acknowledge the truth: We need to agree with people in need that we see their struggle, we know it’s hard, and we care about them. God loves them, and he will never leave them. We can share whatever truths they need to hear.

Maybe we can be someone’s answer to prayer today.

 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds . . . encouraging one another . . .” – Hebrews 10:24-25

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Need encouragement?

“He said ‘Love…as I have loved you.’ We cannot love too much.”—Amy Carmichael

We’ve had some difficult health news in our family recently – the kind of diagnosis no one wants to hear. And that’s hard. But, you know what? We have God-following friends who are praying for us. Asking after us. Wondering if we need help. Asking God for his mercy and grace toward us.

And all of that means everything on a day when we’re tired or anxious: Just to know our friends and family are lifting us in prayer to our Father in Heaven, the one who sees, hears, heals, loves, and has promised never to leave us.

And do you know what all that support does for me? It makes me stronger. It helps me feel God’s love through human friends. It lightens my load and brightens my day.

And then, here’s the really good part: It makes me want to encourage someone else. There are many worse off than we are. Many who don’t know Jesus as Lord. Many who are suffering without the encouragement we are receiving. Paul, who suffered more in his lifetime than I ever will, tells us this: “Therefore encourage one another, and build one another up as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

We all know someone who needs some “building up” today. They need a gentle word, a loving touch, or a simple text message. They need us to offer to pray for them (very few will say “no” to that). Let’s be aware, as we go through our day today, of the people around us. Do we see or sense someone struggling – someone we can encourage? Let’s just do it. We’ll never know the difference a few words might make.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

NOTE: Photo above was taken by a pastor friend of ours in Pakistan.

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Somebody doesn’t like me.

“You can love without agreeing with someone. You can disagree without hating them.” – Tim Keller

There are many reasons someone might be critical of us: They disagree with our decisions. They feel hurt by something we said or did. They are of a different political persuasion than we are. Or there is just a conflict between two differing personalities.

Getting others to like us is not the primary goal of life. Not everyone liked Jesus. Some hated him enough to hire witnesses to lie about him so he would be sentenced to die. Not everyone liked King David, or Joseph, or Daniel. . .

So what do we do when someone expresses anger toward us or just doesn’t like us?

If we have hurt them, we should seek forgiveness. Sometimes we are the forgiver and sometimes the forgiven, often it’s both: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

If it’s a difference of opinion about lifestyle, leadership, or politics, we should agree to disagree and continue in a respectful relationship: “. . . let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall” (Romans 14:13).

If these approaches don’t bring peace, we should give it all to God and move on. “Never pay back evil with more evil. . . Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:17-18).

We should try to live in harmony with others, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We should address conflicts, pray for one another, and grow in our relationship with God. He is the one we want to please the most.

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” – 1 Peter 3:8

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Misfit?

“For the church is not a human society of people united by their natural affinities but the Body of Christ, in which all members, however different . . . must share the common life, complementing and helping one another precisely by their differences.”– C. S. Lewis

There are times when we all feel like misfits. Why do I feel odd or different? How can I be needed or useful to someone?

Paul teaches in his letters that God is building a temple for himself and that temple is made up of those who follow Jesus. He talks about us all being stones and those stones are fitted together to build a place for God to dwell.

So, if you’ve ever seen an old stone wall, you know those stones are of all shapes, colors, and sizes. No two are exactly alike. And yet, with the work of a master craftsman, they fit together perfectly to make a beautiful, strong, and purposeful wall.

So, guess what? Your peculiarities and mine are actually what make us a unique fit into the temple God is building.

We are (collectively) God’s temple, each of us formed for a specific place in the wall. We must not resist the cutting, scraping, and molding – that’s how he shapes us for a precise purpose.

So we should never feel we are not needed, or we are too odd, or not attractive or talented or strong. God is building his house and he has designed each of us to fit in a particular and unique place. You are not a misfit, but a perfect fit in God’s temple.

” . . . Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.  In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit. – Ephesians 2:20b-22

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Start with one.

“Our efforts to be useful bring out our powers for usefulness. We have latent talents and dormant faculties, which are brought to light by exercise.” – Charles Spurgeon

We usually know the things we are good at and we like doing them. But what about things we aren’t so good at? Sometimes it’s not that we’ve tried and failed, it’s that we haven’t tried at all. And some of the things we should try are those commanded by God himself.

I’m thinking now about compassion. Jesus was the perfect example of compassion. We see it as he healed the sick, wept at his friend’s grave, talked with a Samaritan women, and fed hungry crowds. How can we learn to feel compassion for those in need and then act on that feeling as Jesus did?

For some people, that’s easy. They exude compassion and they act accordingly. For others of us, it’s more of an effort. But it’s an effort the Holy Spirit will empower us to make because he is making us more like Jesus.

Maybe we learn it like we learn any new skill: One step at a time. If we want to grow our compassion for others, we can begin by showing compassion to one person. That’s not too hard, right? Find someone in need and let yourself care. Then act. Maybe they need groceries, a listening ear, help writing a resume, relationship advice, spiritual counsel, or transportation to an appointment. There are many ways we can help, but first we have to care.

I’m learning that one act of compassion will stimulate more. Over time we might find ourselves caring more deeply, loving others just as Jesus commanded. It’s OK to start small. Start with one.

“Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.” – Proverbs 11:25

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Hallowed be Thy Name

“Love means doing all we can, at whatever cost to ourselves, to help people be enthralled with the glory of God. When they are, they are satisfied and God is glorified. Therefore loving people and glorifying God are one.” – John Piper

We all know people who don’t even want to talk about Jesus because they have been hurt or disappointed by Christians. I don’t want to be one of those who say they follow Jesus, but live unlovingly or angrily.

One of the best known of the Ten Commandments is “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.” Many think that means we shouldn’t speak God’s name in the wrong way. Biblically, there’s a lot more to it than that.

The word for vain has the same root as the word for vanity in the book of Ecclesiastes. It means something is without meaning, value, or substance. So, taking God’s name in vain is taking up his name without giving it meaning or value by the way we live. It means living in ways that make people think less of God, not more.

The same thing applies to taking Jesus’s name lightly – saying we follow Jesus and not acting like it. Paul cautions about that when he says, “. . . we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.” If we are Christians, people should see we are not carrying his name lightly. We’ll make mistakes, for sure, but over time we should be getting more and more like the person whose name we claim. Let’s make sure the way we live makes people want to know our Jesus.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12b

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Transparency

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” – George MacDonald

Have you noticed that relationships go better if we can be honest about who we are and what we think? The apostle John addresses this issue, but we have to look carefully to see it: “. . . if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7)

Walking in the light means we aren’t hiding anything. We’re cleansed from our sin and, therefore, have nothing to cover up. We can be ourselves. We can be transparent and honest. The hard relationships are those where there are topics we can’t talk about or sins and weaknesses we want to keep secret. So how do we get to the point of having the kind of relationship John describes as fellowship?

Here’s what he says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9).

If we regret things, past or present, we are acknowledging the truth: We have sinned.

And there a solution to that: Confess and receive God’s forgiveness.

The rest of the verse describes what follows: We are made clean. It’s as if John is telling us to confess the sins we know about and we will be cleansed from the ones we don’t know. God makes us clean, past, present, and future, through the blood of Jesus.

And the result? We walk in the light – meaning we can live easily in transparency and truth.

Only then can we experience true fellowship, deep friendship, committed love. Isn’t that what we all want?

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.” – Proverbs 10:9

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Looking for Beauty

“In all ranks of life the human heart yearns for the beautiful; and the beautiful things that God makes are his gift to all alike.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe

I know people who choose a word for the new year and focus on it for their personal and spiritual growth. I haven’t done that – at least not until this new year. A word came to mind that has followed me like a lost puppy for a few weeks now. So I guess I’ll have to keep it! The word is beauty.

I believe God designed us to be drawn to the beautiful. He lures our hearts with what is attractive. I had an artistic friend who once told me I should surround myself with beautiful things. I took that to heart, but now I’m realizing I don’t have to put beautiful things in my path, they are already there. I just have to look.

This year I am looking for beauty in . . .

. . . the natural world.

. . . the arts.

. . . God’s Word.

. . . God’s character.

. . . other people.

. . . my own soul.

It seems that the most captivating kind of beauty is that which is inside a person. There are people we may not be drawn to because of physical beauty, but there is something in their soul that attracts us: Something deep in their being that seems right and good and beautiful. I’m looking for that kind of beauty as I go about my day today. Want to join me?

“. . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8b

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It’s infectious.

“He came to this world and became a man in order to spread to other men the kind of life he has—by what I call ‘good infection’.” – C. S. Lewis

I recently read the story of a woman now known as “Typhoid Mary”. She lived in the early 1900’s and was blamed for several typhoid outbreaks in New York City over a few years’ time. Medical professionals determined she was a carrier of typhoid though she never showed symptoms and never came down with the disease herself.

In some way we are all infecting people with something. Some people enter a room and, suddenly the atmosphere becomes brighter, lighter, more interesting. That’s a good kind of contagious. Others come like Eeyore, and they spread an infection of gloom. Which would you rather be?

The writer of Psalm 139 asks God to “. . . see if there be any grievous way in me . . .” I’m told that a “grievous way” is any aspect of character that can lead to grief. This psalmist knew there could be something deep in his heart that would cause pain, and he might not even be aware of it. We don’t always know what is hiding inside us. “Typhoid Mary” certainly didn’t!

While we live, we’re going to be infecting people around us. Maybe we, too, should invite God to search us and make us aware of anything we’re carrying that could cause grief to ourselves or someone we love. By God’s grace, we pray that, since we’re contagious, it will be with what C. S. Lewis calls a “good infection.”

“Be it ours today . . . to be ruled and governed by Thy divine authority, so that nothing false or sinful may reign in our hearts, lest it extend its malignant influence to our daily walk among men.” – Charles Spurgeon

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The Horse and I

“Let God have your life; he can do more with it than you can.” – Dwight L. Moody

I don’t know much about horses. But, here I was at a ranch for a weekend with my daughter and granddaughter. Because my granddaughter loves horses and wanted me to experience them, too, we all signed up for the trail ride. And I learned something.

We were shown how to use the reins and told not to let our horse get too close to the horse in front of him and not to let him eat foliage along the way. So, determined to do it right, we set out. I pulled on Cairo’s reins when he got too close to Hoss, and I steered him away from the plants along the trail. Eventually, though, he got tired of being micromanaged. He tossed his head and snorted a couple of times. He was not happy!

So, I decided to quit fighting him (he’s bigger than I am!), and I let the reins go slack. He settled into a pattern he was comfortable with, and we finished the ride better friends than we were when we started.

Are you a little bit like me? Wanting to hang on tight to the reins, to steer, to be in control? Sometimes, I think everyone around us would be better off if we stop trying so hard to be safe, right, and in charge. It would be good for us, too, just to realize that God is the only one who can change people or protect us.

And, best of all, when we yield to him, we can enjoy the ride!


“I do not occupy myself with things
    too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;” – Psalm 131:1b-2a